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Ron Jackson's Perspective
The Sunday Journal -
Think
Kankakee, Illinois
October 13, 2002
Eliminating dumb
airport questions |
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More than one teacher has
said to me, "There is no such thing as a stupid question. The
only stupid question is the one never asked." For many years I
believed that. Then I started traveling by commercial air.
Thanks to some proposed changes in airline security,
two really stupid questions may not be asked anymore. Anyone
who has flown commercially during the past decade and a half has had
to arrive hours before their scheduled flight to answer two specific
questions: "Has anyone unknown to you asked you to carry an
item on this flight?" and, "Have any of the items you are traveling
with been out of your immediate control since the time you packed
them?"
Ticket agents are required to ask those questions of
each and every passenger. Every passenger that expects to
board a plane is required to answer, "No." To answer them
honestly is not a requirement, but if you answer yes and cause a
delay, you may risk suffering the wrath of your fellow passengers.
While almost every passenger answers no, think of all
the possible answers people could give if they were honest and not
in a hurry.
"Has anyone unknown to you asked you to carry an item
on this flight?" How is a Boy Scout supposed to answer that
question if a little old lady had asked him to help with her heavy
luggage? He can't say no to a little old lady, but if he
answers, yes, he risks an FBI investigation. What about the
honeymoon bound husband who was instructed by his new wife to carry
her shoe bag? Isn't she technically still unknown to him at
that point?
The second question could elicit even more strange but
honest replies.
"Good day sir. One window seat to Boston?
Have any of the items you are traveling with been out of your
immediate control since the time you packed them?"
"You mean other than my wife who is always out of
control? Well, I didn't have complete control of my items when
they were in the trunk of the limo or when I went to the men's room,
so I guess I had to relinquish some control of my bags. And I
did faint for a spell when the cashier said I owed $12.83 for a
bagel and small apple juice. I can't say I had control of
anything at that point."
Imagine the possible reply from a husband on his
hunting trip. "Sir, I have been waiting so long for this day
to get away from my wife. I packed these items last month, and
they and she have been out of my control since then."
The two-question requirement was implemented 16 years
ago by the Federal Aviation Administration as a result of a couple
of incidents in Europe involving women who were tricked by their
boyfriends into carrying explosives onto planes.
I dare not try to imagine what questions would have
resulted if the boyfriends had tricked the women into carrying dirty
underwear onto planes.
In addition to eliminating the two questions to improve
customer morale, the government will again allow passengers to carry
their $5 styrofoam cups of watered-down coffee through metal
detectors.
Thank goodness there won't be any more stupid airport
questions.
Now if the airline gurus could just do something about
stupid passengers. |
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